Late Night thoughts..

 

 

am in this stage of my life that i became indifferent..
simply no longer care as i use to be or feel as i use to be it’s like the old me is dying, but i learned a lot  and i came up with this in the end:
no one really care about you, it’s rare if you have those type of people in your life, you are lucky, but we are all lucky because we all have that one person, because life is fair it’s bitter, but sometimes we enjoy that taste, that joy is my mother, really when i was going through a hard time i only found her, anyone else is bullshit, fake, lies, they won’t put up with you, if you are not useful for them they will throw you away
as much as i believe each and every one of us have a good person inside many are so ugly i am surrounded by ugly people, hypocrites, i watch, that’s what i do i read them, it amuse me how sick they are how sick i am, how sick human nature, we are all selfish
sincerity, only exist in fairytales, and those who love you for you or whatever it’s all lies every one wants something from you might be small it can be big but once they no longer need anything from you to cover the guilt they will blame you for things you never did, their mind will start working finding excuses to hide thier sickness, “they are annoying, boring, they changed” they are just excuses but pretty obvious for me, i am loyal, sincere i am nice, i care, i feel sorrow, guilt can stop me from sleeping sometimes, i can’t hide my feelings, i can’t act normal when something is bothering me, am weak, but i will no longer be, because am no longer all of those thing it will be hard to get rid of it but at least i will hide it, i no longer care no one matter anymore, but my mother she is a part of me and am a part of her, she is the only one i will care about from now on, and my kids someday, because that the only honest relationship in this world, but when it come to love and friendship like i said it’s rare and i can no longer risk it i already wasted a lot of time on meaningless things…
i won’t cut myself  out from people oh no, not anymore if they are sly i will be their worst nightmare i will toy with them as long as someone afford to play with me i will crush them, i no longer believe in friendship to be honest, it disgust me just hearing the word, i was drowning in the wrong dreams for a long time it was just me who was blind, but i can finally breath, i am free from all those delusions but i will always be learning, this messed up nature we have, i will do anything to survive, even if that means turning into a  monster, but i won’t just survive i will rule…

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