A Never Ending Journey

i was fat all my life and am still a little chubby now still struggling to lose the weight, it’s a never-ending battle for me..

i started gaining weight when i was in primary school, it wasn’t that noticeable but definitely that wasn’t the right weight for me, when i got in middle school that’s when i started to see it as a problem, and the biggest problem was mom that was telling me it’s okay to be fat, i started working out and eating less and i was losing weight and i was happy with it, people started noticing i started noticing but before i knew it i gained all the weight back and more and in high school i found myself getting even fatter and fatter that’s when i started going crazy at that point of my life every mistake i did was because i was fat i linked everything to being fat i said to myself over and over you can’t make friends because you are fat, you can’t smile because you are fat, you can’t wear pretty clothes because you are fat, you are nothing and a no one till you become skinny, it wasn’t society for me or the image that the media is promoting or anything it was just something in my mind, if i say hey to someone and he probably didn’t hear me or something yeah it’s because am fat no one wants to talk to a fatty like you, i was disgusted by myself and i felt guilty every time i out food in my mouth and i felt like crying throwing up, i didn’t wanna look in the mirror or take photos and i was always telling myself it’s okay live like you are dead now till you become the perfect person you deserve to be, i was harsh with myself, and i hated those who told me i look fine, that am beautiful the way i am, I HATED THEM and hated myself even more every moment passes, and every time every year i lose weight and gain it back and that was torturing me killing me turning me to this monster, but for some reason later i got better, i started eating healthy and working out am still not seeing results probably because of what my body went through starvation, throwing up what i ate, overeating, over exercising than giving up, losing weight than gaining weight in a short time over and over..

Journey this is not a very put together because it’s something very personal and it’s the first time am writing about it ..

 

ye well I did lose 10kg after this post so yay one year after this post, even that i gained 3 kg back -_- but am working to lose 8 kg now, i just was busy so i lost control ‘-‘

anyhow if you want any help with you know how to handle this problem just ask since I tried many ways till i got the right one .

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