Wanting to change, i wanted to make more friends become nicer and more friendly and that made me blind and even lose myself along the way ..
For the first time i cared what others think about me not just that but i was bothered by it and over thinking it, i’m different i know, i’m unique that’s the most think i love about myself but that made me lose it for a while, this is just a losing battle to please others because that will never happen, and won’t make me happy, because the person i need to please is yourself..
So what if I’m weird, what if i sing out loud and in front of people, what if i’m honest about every thing what if i’m not interested in stupid stuff like those in my age what if i’m sometime over serious, what if i’m mature for my age, i don’t really care if you think am boring because i’m quiet, crazy because i do whatever i want when i feel like it that’s who i am, if i want to change that doesn’t mean to delete everything special about me
I’m just going to leave this here i don’t know who wrote this but i love it
There are things we can do
But from the things that work there are only two
And from the two that we choose to do
Peace will win
And fear will lose
There’s faith and there’s sleep
We need to pick one please because
Faith is to be awake
And to be awake is for us to think
And for us to think is to be alive
And I will try with every rhyme
To come across like I am dying
To let you know you need to try to think
Let’s see love, the romantic type, I’m not really interested in that i think love comes when it’s time comes, when we need it but right now i don’t that’s why am not into romance, i don’t think about dating anymore, even though sometimes when i see couples and i see them happy i wonder what am missing.
For now i have things that are more important than having a relationship with someone, I’m in love with my dreams,my mother, and friendship, i wanna be strong for those things, even though i’m empty and i can’t get myself to even like anyone or even have a crush on anyone, maybe because i didn’t meet the one, because i’m busy and i’m pretty sure he is too ..
I know it’s silly but sometimes i think about him, the guy i will meet in the future, the one who will understand me and be the man who is worth being around not some selfish asshole like my father, you see there is one most important thing i want in that guy i want him to be different from my father, i want him to be a better father for our kids than mine i don’t want anything than a better father for them, i wanna admire that in him when the time comes .
It must be crazy but I’m in love with this guy even before i met him , and i wonder what he is doing, who is he with, is his life hard, is he crazy enough to think about the girl he never met too, is he working hard for his dreams?? who knows ..
But i know one thing that when i see him i will know it’s him, then it will be the time to open my heart but for now i will keep it sealed for him
I’m being cheesy but that’s part of being honest, my goal for this blog
sometimes it’s okay for us to be bad as long as it’s going to makes us feel better or make someone feel better
i wanna die.
Natural death, i don’t wanna kill myself, i just want my time to come because i had enough, enough of this pain, and this depression when i can’t even name one reason for it, my life is going fine now but yet i wanna die so bad i want this thing called life to end i wanna stop breathing, it’s not like i feel alive to start with.
i just feel dead inside, it’s so cold inside, just like when the soul abandoned the body, it seems like mine just left, a long time ago and never told me why, just left…
it’s the worst this feeling i have, because you can’t heal it or stop it, because you can’t even know what’s causing it.