Friendship…

 

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My first friend, let’s call her A because her name starts with A, we used to be friends in primary school, she was the first in class i remember she was the one who made me interested in studying back then we use to be so close we sit next to each other at class and we always either eat lunch at her house or mine and i remember her mother was so nice and her father too, i don’t think she liked me as much as i did anyway she moved away when i was like 8 or 9 because of money problems anyway 2 years ago we’ve met and she came to me and asked if remember her but as much as i thought about it i couldn’t and i remember i was kinda mean to her but i really didn’t mean it but if i ever met her i would want to back friend with her..

The second friendship i had, we was a group of 3 friends one of them i will name her D and the other I, D was the trouble maker type, and she was older than her age her way of thinking was of a high schooler in a bad way when we was only kids back then, she was kinda poor and i think she become a friend with “I” because she was rich,anyway i met I thought D and i liked her a lot more than D even thought i knew her since kindergarten, she was like an angle now that i think about it she is probably the nicest person i ever met  we hanged out only the two of us in secret from D who was mean anyway she also moved after only a year from our friendship and me and D after that wasn’t in the same class and i wanted to move into the same class with D but someone stopped me it was my first best friend, i remember that when i do my homework i would do a copier for her and she will do the same so if one of us forget to do it the other will help her i wanna call her F, our friendship was so strong back then i was the first of my class and she was one year older than me because she repeated the year, at that period because my parents are so strict i didn’t speak to boys only a little but she made me trust them and the rest of the girl in our class looked down on us because we hanged out a lot with boys, our friendship was troubled because teachers hated F and thought she was impolite they told mom to tell me to stop hanging out with her, but i refused and i continued being friend with her, she was the first to tell me we are best friends and we will stay like this forever, and she was also the first person to teach me to drop out of school anyway i was one of those who the teacher thought high of them, but my grades was dropping and she was in blame more by my parents but i even thought i was hit so many time to stop talking to her i didn’t, not for a single moment and back then i thought to myself she is the only one who understood me and i will do anything for her, we use to like the same things but dating she dated in that young of an age most of the boys in our class and from other classes she was beautiful too, very skinny and long, she looked like a model in that age, our friendship lasted for a year and the next year was our first year in middle school, in that period i stopped studying and stoped doing my homework i really don’t remember learning a thing and for some reason i noticed that she started to go out more with an other girl she was the first in our class and stoped calling me and sitting next to me in class, and because i was so angry of how much she changed i decided to transfer to the other class, the same as my boyfriend, not to forget to mention that she was the one to tell me to get a boyfriend, even thought i wasn’t convinced to have one, even thought he was by the way the only guy friend i had for 7 years …

We got into a fight because i was going to transfer i don’t remember the details but we didn’t stop talking and no i didn’t transfer but our friendship just faded away because i knew later she only was using me …

I have a dark history of horrible friends and now let me talk about the most important friend, she was my cousin and we knew each other since we was kids and we always played together she told me later that she didn’t like me when we was kids because i was annoying and now that i think about i remember that she treated me meanly but i guess all that was erased when we started becoming real friends let’s say, it was the end year of my middle school, and her best friend had moved away after her father died and i remember she told me that she felt lonely at high school she was 2 years older than me and i remember we was the rival type of friends and our personalities was the complete opposite but somehow i discovered that we share a lot of things in common it started with phone calls that friendship, and i use to go to her house every sunday, we use to live far away from each other not that far but still far , but i guess we become best friends when i started going to the same high school as her, my first year of high school was the best year of my life when friendship become the most important in my life, we skipped school a lot, there wasn’t a week that passes that we didn’t sleep over at one of our house, i was so happy even though my life was fucked up but let me mention why that person was that important to me because when my life was so fucked up the period when i tried to commit suicide and i was crying, believe it or not i was 14 but she was the first person that hugged me when i cried, spending time with her made me forget all, i had so much fun and i was starting to become normal no negative thoughts, i stopped hating myself and i was pretty confident, i didn’t care about school, what are my grades or any of that shit and the period she was coming to my house my father stopped drinking for her sake not just that but the house wasn’t lonely anymore there was someone there for me, someone to talk to, because my relationship back then wasn’t only fucked up with my father but my mother too that i hated because she married such a man, so i would go back home and just sleep i remember that time in middle school after i fought with F , my cousin was mean my father was drunk every day and i would spend the night scared, it was indeed a long year that killed me, it was also the year i broke up with my boyfriend because all that period of 2 years that we was dating i was thinking of him as a brother, it’s sad that he stopped talking with me and how mean i was when i broke up with him, and even stopped talking to him..

My cousin was the second best friend i had, i loved her so much i don’t know if she did, but now that i think about it she didn’t, i was ready to hide a murder she did and even kill someone with her, she was the first person and only person i cried when she cried, i was thinking so high of our friendship, till now i still remember the promise we did to each other that we will go study and live together in japan, so i wanted to study the same thing so we won’t be separated and go to different colleges, i have a lot of things to talk about this person the first person i trusted, i told her things i never told anyone things only me knew things i was too sacred other would know, about me and my father, how i tried to kill my self my ex friends, my boyfriend, i acted myself with her even thought i didn’t want anyone to know my true personality and most important i cried in front of her i showed my week side me who want to always seem okay and strong, i was happy when she was happy and sad when she was sad, and when she got the most devastating news in her life and she cried i felt like crying but if i cried she will seem pathetic so i stopped myself..

Her personality was so weird, she was the most moody person i ever seen and being friend with such a person was hard, especially when she is mad she become so mean that’s why i ignore every thing she says when she is angry, our friendship grew even stronger every time we fought, and this is embarrassing but i was jealous when she talked about her other best friend or when she hang out with other girls i wanted her to be only my friend, if i spend a day without seeing her i miss her a lot, but i don’t know why our friendship got weaker or understand the stupid fight we had this summer, she did the most mean thing anyone ever did to me…

My birthday was always the worst day of the year for me, the day i always have the worst fight with my father simply because i exist, but when i started spending that day with her it become so fun that day become special …

But then this summer she refused to come in a really mean way that broke my heart once again that day become the worst day of my life i was so sad and lonely that i wanted to die and in that moment she wasn’t the same person for me, i hated her and i was never going to ever trust her again, and because she was my cousin it was hard to stop seeing her so it made it harder in family reunion and my parents started asking about her like why i don’t call her why doesn’t she come or i go, which made it even worst it was supposed to be the best summer ever we had so many plans but it was turned to the worst summer of my life worst than the summer when my body was all bruised because my father hitted me when he was drunk, we started talking again but she never apologized or thought about it as a big deal like she said and i was half-hearted with her because i didn’t understand if we are best friends again or not and because i couldn’t forget that horrible cruel day, and now we are better but i still don’t know, i wanna talk about it with her and at the same time not …

But what i know is i still care about her and still love her but i no longer trust her …

Now let me talk about the last one i become a friend with i will name her AA, we went to the same middle school and we even was at the same class but we use to hate each other and even fight those stupid middle schooler fights, but i guess we started becoming friends will kinda started in the end of middle school, we become friends on Facebook and we talked a lot and i discovered her unique personality that made me find her interesting i don’t know why we hated each other probably because i was such a girly girl back then i would hate me if i met me so i don’t blame her but our friendship started when she moved to my high school and we decided to meet then i found out that we share a lot of things in common it was like amazing to find such a rare person we wasn’t in the same class but we hang out a lot, i introduced her to M ” my cousin” and she liked her too we had so much fun together now we have been friends for 3 years and i learned a lot of things about her what made her more and more interesting, i don’t know if we have that strong of friendship but i wanna keep her as a friend for life, because i don’ imagine not being friend with her, i don’t remember that we fought, we live in the same town but i never went to her house or she came to mine we always take the same bus and it would really fun if we went to the same college, i really want to live together with her and M it would be fun…

I still didn’t find my definition for friendship am not really as found as friendship as i use to be but am really interested to make new friends a lot of them and get to know new people because i believe that each time we meet someone knew every time w make a friend we learn something new about ourselves, things still foggy for me and i’m still living in a contradiction but i think every one my age are

ps : my friends don’t know about my blog ^^

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