i lost my will to live

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Was it 2 year ago or much longer, but especially lately i lost the will to live..

I have lost my dream, every thing i believed in is a lie, this cruel word, it’s built on lies, i just wanna die but at the same time i don’t wanna be selfish, if i die now it’s really a good time i have been behaving myself and all so i think i will leave good memories but if i died what about my mom and the heaven like life i promised her, if i die she will continue to live a miserable life with a selfish guy like my father who’s only making her life harder and than her daughter her only daughter dies she will be devastated, my mom she is probably the only person in this world who will keep remembering me…

and how about my dream of doing something that will make me remembered after i die right now i just feel it’s not worth fighting for my dream, those doesn’t seem like words of someone like me who think nothing is impossible but…

I’m really sad and being alone i hate it and not just that it’s silly but i think i’m getting bullied at school i didn’t know i’m the type …

I feel lonely i can say it a million time and it won’t be enough in every single post i’m saying it over and over but it won’t go away this feeling, it’s really horrible not to be able to die, i wanna die but at the same time not to die, not for me, for her i wanna do anything i want her happy my only.. my true friend my mother the only one who care for me who would risk every thing for me to have such a person, god am thankful to have her, that i was given the chance to meet someone like her not just that but to be my mother…

she smells nice, she is warm and her hugs makes it feel better, safe like nothing is wrong in this world, that feeling it’s amazing it’s my reason to live .

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