Finding myself…

bird-cage.jpg

 

Sometimes..

Most of the time?

No, Always i feel lost, empty and cold, you see i found out that am afraid of people am afraid of getting hurt that’s probably why i isolated myslef from the word, i have two people that maybe i can call friends one of them is my cousin but, i feel lonely even with them, i always feel lonely and i hate it but in the same time i hate to be around people, i feel scared, uncomfortable and i just wanna run away as hard as i can and go back to that dark room i really hate, my friends sadly don’t understand friendship the other problem is that some how i feel that they are feeling lonely too, they are as unsecure as i am, our relationship is undescribal, and that relationship is getting worse, maybe it’s jsut me that feels like this maybe i am the only person in pain for no reason, i sometime blame the past for the person i have become people who see me think am a cold person, emotionless, strong, mysterious, and they envay my lonelyness, the fact that i don’t know how it feel to have a brother or a sister because am a only child for my parents…

My childhood, will it kinda was normal, all parents fight but things got worse as i grew up all the fights… The fear i felt in that period of my life made me fearless i can not name any thing i fear but people and to be precise myself, my low selfesteem , that stupid fear i have, my shity personality, i blame no one for it but my stupidty, the person i play, around those people , even my faimly and my friends nothing but a wall built to protect myself it’s all fake am not emotionless but sensetive am not strong but fragile or maybe i am strong i have been bearing all this pain for too long actualy it’s the first time i speak out, maybe i am strong, because i didn’t cry all this years even that, even that in every moment i feel like crying, because i never told any one that i was so depresed, that i tryed to comit suicide at the age 11…

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s